An Unprecedented Predicament of Illogical Proportions
by Junjou Writer
Summary: Challenge fic! My summary: Sheldon's having a hard time admitting his feelings or even performing for his husband. But why? He's so cute! malexmale sexual scenes


This is a challenge fic that I just HAAADDDD to do lol XP

Summary: Sheldon and harry Potter are married. One day one of the gang see the ring on Sheldon's finger and question it. Sheldon tells them he is married and they don't believe him until they meet his husband.

**The rules are:**

**1: Sheldon and Harry must already be married.**

**2: The boys do not know that Harry is a boy until after they meet him **

**3: One of the boys thinks Harry is a girl and hits on him before they know who he is. **

**4: Harry works as an unspeakable in the DOM and that is why he is never home. But harry tells the boys that he works in a top secret lab for the government, and is now in a leave of absence. Because he has been gone from his family**

**5: Sheldon knows about magic.**

**6: Harry has a pet snake **

**7: Harry looks a little girlish. (long hair, short, voice. Ext.) **

**8: Penny has already moved in across the hall.**

Alright So I know that technically, Sheldon and Harry were both born in 1980 however, I'mma tweak this up a bit. So Sheldon is 32 and Harry is 24.

**An Unprecedented Predicament of Illogical Proportions**

"Has anyone seen Sheldon?" Leonard asked as he plopped onto his couch. He grabbed a piece of cheesy heaven from the box and started to eat.

"That I do not know," Raj answered cheerily. "But why are we questioning it?"

"My thoughts exactly," Howard said with a small laugh. "Don't ruin a perfectly good evening with questions like that, just enjoy the silence."

"Yes, I rather like eating my pizza without his explanation on how pepperoni is made and completely ruining my appetite." Raj agreed.

"Hm, true." Leonard nodded. "It's just strange for him not to be here for Wednesday night pizza." As if in answer, they could hear him counting the steps up as he approached, his OCD kicking in. "Nevermind, seems I spoke to soon."

"Let the queasiness begin." Howard sighed.

But Dr. Sheldon Cooper entered the apartment and headed to his bedroom without so much as a greeting to any of them. He was too preoccupied with a white envelope in his hands.

"Sheldon?" Leonard questioned in slight surprise.

"Hello, I do apologize for my rudeness however, I find I have something very important to attend to." He mumbled without a glance in their direction.

"Something more important that pizza?" Howard asked as though it was impossible.

"Yes, apparently you have become a bit blind as of late, Howard, but you see I have a letter and I would like to read it in privacy. As would most people when they receive mail, as I'm sure you would understand." He paused to finally look back at them, standing at his door, his face showing a slight impatient twitch.

"Who would write you a letter? Your mother?" Raj asked, snickering.

"No, I'm afraid Mother seems to be suffering from carpal tunnel as of late. Is this game of twenty questions going to take long because I would much prefer to read this and complete my response before the post leaves. This letter is very important to me so if you don't mind, I'm going to be in my room." He turned to his door but Leonard was very puzzled.

"What do you mean about the post, Sheldon? The mailperson only comes once a day and they don't linger…" He pointed out.

"Please just leave me be for the time being. I really must write this quickly." Sheldon answered and hurried into his room.

He settled at his bed with a small lapdesk on his legs with a paper and pen waiting while he opened the envelope. Inside was a small folded piece of yellowish parchment. He unfolded it carefully and his lips twitched upwards in the hint of a smile as he began reading the messily scrawled cursive.

_Dear Sheldon,_

_How are you? Over here has been alright but I find myself up to the tops of my glasses with work. Ron says hello and Hermoine insists that you try to open your mind to the idea of at least considering house elves as a real creature and not a mythical being._

Sheldon paused to chuckle. "That Hermoine and her silly antics."

_But anyways, I miss you. I know you probably don't feel the same way, emotions were never your forte, after all, but I'd like to imagine that you might feel the same way, in some cell of your body. I want to believe that when I see you again, perhaps you might grace me with some kind of kiss, even just a chaste kiss. I know that's a ridiculous impossibility, because that falls under the category of icky stuff, but I just like to imagine it sometimes lying in my bed when I can't sleep._

"When I can't sleep, I just count backwards from ten thousand." Sheldon mumbled to himself. But he tried to imagine it, what it might be like to kiss that person. "Nope, delusions such as those are bad for my health."

_Sometimes I find myself being asked why I am married to you. They wonder why I don't instead find a suitable man here, some even offer to introduce me to others but I always turn it down. I don't want just any relationship. I want something deeper, understanding each other and I feel like I have that with you. I don't necessarily need a physical bond because I find it pleasant enough just speaking with you. You're so smart and the things you talk about are interesting and you can make me feel like my problems are small and insignificant. Well that's all I have to say so please respond soon, I always look forward to your letters._

_Take care,_

_Love Harry_

Sheldon stared at the paper for a long minute before he put it aside and picked up his pen to begin his counterattack. He wrote swiftly and immaculately and when he finished, he sealed it in an envelope nicely. A tapping at his window alerted him of the white bird waiting. He opened the window a bit hesitantly but the bird merely perched in his windowsill waiting.

"You are just delightful, Hedwig." He said as he fastened the letter to the bird's leg. "Give that little rascal a gentle nip on the ear for me, alright? But not to rough."

The bird gave a quiet coo before leaving in a flurry of white feathers. Sheldon put away the letter with the others and joined his friends in the living room. He sat at his usual seat and grabbed a piece of pizza.

"So…? What was that all about? You never left your room." Leonard started.

"Oh there's no worry about that now. The letter has successfully reached its mail carrier. I never thought carrier birds would be a useful way of delivering letters but I must say, I am always pleasantly surprised." Sheldon spoke with that intrigued voice he had.

"Carrier birds? What, like pidgeons?" Howard snorted.

"Well the idea is the same but it's actually an owl. A snowy owl to be more correct, Bubo scandiacus if you want to be exact. Very pretty bird, her name is Hedwig." Sheldon answered before eating his pizza in his dainty fashion.

"Okay, as if this situation wasn't weird enough… May I ask who you were writing to that requires you to use a carrier owl?" Leonard questioned, staring at him.

"I'm sorry, how rude of me to forget. You were asking that before, weren't you? Well, to answer your query, I was writing to my significant other." Sheldon spoke as if it was the only thing that made sense.

"Excuse me? You have a girlfriend?" Howard nearly choked on the words.

"Heavens no!" Sheldon scoffed lightly. He pulled a simple chain from his pocket that had a gold ring on the end of it. "I have a.. a wife… of sorts."

"Wait a second, you're married?" Leonard sat up a little straighter.

"Well let's not all act like this is shocking. I am a healthy and attractive young man. Why wouldn't I have a soul mate that I am married to?" Sheldon asked.

"Um… you're a major dork. If you're married, how come we've never met her?" Howard demanded.

"England. That's where we met and fell in love. The feeling is mutual, by the way. I wasn't kidnapped or forced against my will, I was more than happy to agree when purposed to, we have rather delightful conversations when we're alone."

"So what was your honeymoon like, then? Surely, you must've done it?" Raj asked.

"Honeymoon? Oh sure. We had one. It was a truly… _magical_ experience." He chuckled at his own little joke. "I mean sure it was a bit messy when it was over but for once, I wasn't too concerned with the mess."

"I don't believe it…" Howard stared at him, dumbfounded. "You, engaging in such activities? It's inconceivable."

"Inconceivable, well that certainly sounds about right in one way or another." He mumbled underhandedly.

"Well until I see this wife of yours, I won't believe a word of it." Howard said firmly.

"Ah, then prepare to be forever in the realm of disbelief because I see no reason for them to come here." Sheldon miffed.

"But it's your wife. You can't honestly be happy with the current situation?" Leonard asked.

"I don't really know. I mean I'm a genius, by all accounts. But matters of the heart are just too confusing. I'd rather not deal with them. So I just write like I'm content because I just don't understand myself in the slightest and that has never been a problem for me." Sheldon made his puzzled face, a look usually only reserved for when he was showing that he didn't understand the thinking of idiots.

"So… for once in your life… you've actually found something that beguiles you?" Howard sounded amazed himself.

"Oh please, it's not as if matters of the feelings are a real problem that needs to be understood. If I ignore them, then eventually they'll go away." He readjusted himself as though he was uncomfortable.

Leonard wanted to scream at him, to shake him and make him see that he was wrong. He had a wife who was willing to put up with his insanity, one that moved the ever frozen Sheldon Cooper's heart. He bit his lip and just looked at the television as an uncomfortable silence settled over the group.

~ Three Weeks Later ~

Raj was heading back to his office with a can of soda from the vending machine when he saw her.

She was standing in the hall looking slightly confused, her black hair was a little past her shoulders and her glasses were large and round on her almond-shaped mossy green eyes. She was looking at a small piece of paper with a slight pout.

"Excuse me, are you looking for somebody in particular? Or just somebody?" Raj asked, hoping that didn't get him punched. Those green eyes looked at him and relief washed over the somewhat pale face.

"Ah, thank goodness." Her voice was soft but thick with British accent. Raj stood a little straighter, his whole body perking at attention at such a lovely voice. "I'm looking for Dr. Cooper's office?"

"Eh? What do you need to see Dr. Cooper for?" Raj wondered, laughing a bit nervously. He recalled the conversation he had tried desperately to put out of his memory about Sheldon having a wife in England. Oh god, it was this one, wasn't it? Why couldn't she have at least been a dog? For shit's sake, she was beautiful.

"Well… um…" The beauty looked down and nervously started playing with a gold band on her ring finger. "It's just… very important…" She whispered. "And very private, I'm terribly sorry."

"No, it's okay. Dr. Cooper is in his office. It's uh right this way." Raj spoke a bit dejectedly and led the pretty foreigner to Sheldon's office. "Here you are, I shall leave you to your business…" He mumbled, walking away and barely listening to the angel's appreciation.

Sheldon opened his office door, preparing to head to the lavatory to wash his face and clear his mind but opening the door brought him a surprise he wasn't prepared for. Standing there looking perfectly doe-eyed behind his ridiculous glasses was Sheldon's marriage partner.

"Harry…" He whispered. "What in heavens are you doing here?"

"Well, I acquired an injury at the uh…" He glanced around nervously and even though there was no one around he still whispered, "The lab. So I received some time off. Thought I'd come visit you, you said in your last letter it would be nice if we could have dinner together once in a while didn't you?"

"I did?" Sheldon frowned. "Oh that's right. I'm sorry, I was feeling a bit fatigued when I wrote that so I may have said some strange things."

"So you… didn't actually want to see me?" Harry mumbled, his eyes downcast.

"Now, I never said that!" Sheldon pulled the man into his office and just stared at him for a long moment. "I would be delighted if my husband were to join me for dinner. How long are you staying?"

"A week. I've got some things I wanted to pick up while I was here for work as well. Mr. Weasley would love a few American knickknacks to fiddle with." Harry admitted quietly. "I was going to stay at a hotel near your apartment complex, so that maybe we could see each other every day…?"

"Oh that's perfect." Sheldon gave him a bemused smile and Harry blushed a bit, the tension leaving his shoulders. "I'm just about finished, where's your bags, I can have Leonard drive us around to find you a hotel."

"It's just this." Harry held up a small duffel bag, his face broken into a wide grin.

"Oh that's nice. Easy to carry. I suppose I… could carry that for you." Sheldon offered. Harry's cheeks turned bright red and he shyly handed his bag over. "The immediate flow of blood into the capillaries of your face informs me of your embarrassment… I find it somewhat adorable." Harry laughed a bit nervously and brushed his bangs from his eyes. "Well, let's get going." He walked around his husband, squashing the thought that crossed his mind about that being the perfect moment to kiss the younger male.

~~~ ksdinbc ~~~~~

Finding Leonard in the parking lot was easy enough. He looked up and fixed his own glasses and his brows shot up to his hairline when he spotted the green-eyed beauty walking quickly beside Sheldon.

"Who's this?" Leonard asked. Harry reached a hand forward with a bright smile.

"Hello," They spoke in a charming English voice. Leonard pieced it together instantly.

"Oh, I see. You're Sheldon's wife, right?" He received a miniscule nod and grinned. "That's great! Sheldon's bed is plenty big for the both of you, and if you feel uncomfortable, I'm more than willing to go to a friend's house at night." Sheldon's, surprisingly, pretty wife blushed a dark shade of red.

"That won't be necessary, Leonard. He's staying in a hotel." Sheldon said calmly. The gender reference did not go unnoticed but the physicist brushed it off for now, deciding to comment on it later.

"And you're staying with him?" He questioned.

"Heavens no! He's just going to be sharing dinner with us, right Harry?" He looked down at the small male and received a tiny nod in response. Leonard caught the downcast eyes and crossed his arms.

"Absolutely not. Christ, Sheldon, you two are married! You've had a honeymoon! He's going to be staying with us and sleeping with you in your bed. That's final." Leonard held open the passenger door for Harry, wanting to speak to him more.

"Th-Thanks," Harry slipped into the seat and Leonard left Sheldon to get in the back by himself.

"So Harry, what part of England do you come from?" Leonard asked politely.

"London, quite typical, I know. But it's very dear to me there." Harry answered, his eyes stealing glances of his husband in the back seat with the help of the side mirror every once in a while.

"Nothing wrong with that, London is really beautiful, I've heard. I just… had no idea Sheldon went there. I also had no idea… that he was married." Leonard mumbled.

"It was a few years ago, for a physics lecture that Stephen Hawking was giving. I was just dying to meet him, after all." Sheldon said with a bit of a smile.

"I met Sheldon in a pub. He was… annoying just about everyone he spoke to but I found his vast knowledge and inability to shut his trap somewhat endearing. Next thing I knew, he had me captivated with a riveting tale of the adventures of Captain Kirk and Spock." Harry chuckled and smiled a bit.

"Oh yeah, thrilling." Leonard said with a bit of a snicker.

"Well, I wasn't allowed to watch much television growing up, so I'd never even heard of Star Trek, Let alone got the pleasure of watching it. Hearing about it from such a devoted fan really left me feeling as though I had seen the whole thing." Harry said softly.

"Okay, fair enough… can I ask you… what you see in Sheldon?" Leonard asked. Harry actually gave a heavy sigh at this point.

"His passion… his sweet mannerisms… The fact that he's not constantly up my ass and trying to shove himself down my throat also is very convenient." He said quickly. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to snap at you, you've been very kind… I just… I'm sick of everyone asking that… as if there's something wrong with Sheldon."

"Oh no, I'm not saying there's something wrong with Sheldon, just… looking at you… and there's something _seriously_ wrong with Sheldon." Leonard admitted.

"Leonard! I take offense to that!" Sheldon complained.

"Sheldon, you're married to a very cute person who likes you a lot… and you were going to make him stay at a hotel! Guys like me and you should be begging people as cute as this to grace our bedrooms with their presence." Leonard argued. Harry turned bright red and looked out the window.

"More like, I'm the lucky one." Harry admitted. "I have no idea what he sees in someone as plain and unintelligent as me…"

"Harry, could you give Leonard and I a moment of privacy please?" Sheldon asked. Harry whispered something under his breath and plugged his ears with his fingers. "I was very drunk but everything about him just seemed beautiful. But when I sobered up, I couldn't find it in me to refuse him." Sheldon admitted.

"I thought you said you loved him?" Leonard questioned, glaring at the scrawny male through the rearview mirror.

"I do, now. I can't imagine my existence without his letters or his pretty eyes. But I'm very scared of taking the next step, Leonard." Sheldon swallowed a bit thickly and at the questioning glance he looked down at his lap. "I'm afraid of having coitus with my husband."

"What?! I thought you already did? On your honeymoon?" Leonard reminded him.

"Oh no, it wasn't complete coitus. Harry gave me fellatio which was frightening enough. I passed out immediately after ejaculation. When I woke up, he was just laying beside me with his head on my shoulder. I think he could tell how uncomfortable I was because he didn't try anything else." Sheldon explained.

"That's just, okay we're almost home. Let's talk about this later. Harry, you can unplug your ears now." Leonard finished loudly.

"Oh, he can't hear you, allow me," Sheldon leaned forward and tapped Harry's shoulder gently. The man pulled his fingers from his ears and looked back at Sheldon. "It's alright, Harry, we're done talking for the moment. I'm so glad I can trust you."

"I'm glad you trust me," Harry smiled at him and brushed his bangs from his face again.

"I… of course I trust you… I've trusted you with my more intimate body parts and you did nothing… unpleasurable. Unsanitary maybe but not unenjoyable."

"Sheldon!" Leonard yelled.

"What? It's very true, I've just admitted as such to you." Sheldon merely shrugged as they parked in their usual parking spot at the apartment building. "Harry, just to warn you, our elevator is out of service… for the past eight years."

"I don't mind. I actually quite like the stairs." Harry spoke with a slight laugh. He followed the pair up to their apartment.

~ fkvnjubhbed ~

On the proper floor, they were greeted by Penny who was just coming out of her apartment looking stunning.

"Oh hey guys, new friend?" She asked, looking at Harry.

"Sort of," Leonard said.

"Hello, I'm Harry," He introduced himself, holding out his hand. Penny shook it with a smile.

"Hi there," She responded with a grin. "So are you like some kind of nerdasaurus like these guys?"

"I'm not nearly that intelligent. I have my strong points but academics wasn't really one of them." He chuckled a bit, looking down.

"Is that right?" Penny was obviously flirting at this point. "Well, if you get tired of the condescending attitudes of these geniuses, you can always hang out with me."

"I'm quite alright, thank you. I know all about handling geniuses and even more about dealing with condescendence." Harry gave a small laugh and Penny laughed with him. Sheldon leaned close to Leonard.

"What is this burning feeling in my chest? And my face feels hot. What's wrong with me?" He asked.

"You're jealous that your husband is being hit on by someone else. It's very common, especially among married couples." Leonard answered. "Better separate them while you can."

"You're right. For once." Sheldon stepped forward and grabbed Harry's arm. "Well Penny, you look very busy and Harry's very tired from his trip. I really should be getting him to bed." He said, pulling his husband into their apartment.

"Your neighbor's nice." Harry whispered.

"Oh she's ungodly stupid. Nothing nice about that." Sheldon said quickly. He showed Harry to his room and swallowed a bit.

"It's perfectly clean, so like you." Harry said, looking at the man. Sheldon smiled a bit and sat on the bed.

"Well I try to maintain a proper level of cleanliness." Sheldon answered. Harry sat on the bed beside him "Harry, I'm going to be perfectly honest with you, I don't-"

"I don't like that woman." Harry mumbled quietly. "She's too friendly… and such a pretty girl living so close to you… how could I ever compete with that?"

"You… You have those kinds of insecurities?" Sheldon turned to his husband in surprise.

"I can be… very possessive when prompted, Sheldon." Harry answered. "Sometimes I'm ashamed of myself. We live thousands of miles away from each other…"

"About five thousand, four hundred and thirty, approximately." Sheldon corrected quickly. Harry looked at him. "I once looked it up while I was thinking about you and wondering how you were doing…"

"You mean you missed me?" Harry's voice sounded hopeful and slightly breathless. Sheldon's mouth opened and closed repeatedly.

"Perhaps." He finally answered. Harry hugged his shoulders and closed his eyes.

"I've missed you too! Every day!" He said with a small choke. Sheldon slowly wrapped his arms around him and just held him. Harry gave a slight whimper and Sheldon pulled back to give him a concerned stare. "It's nothing, just that injury I mentioned. I haven't applied the medication yet."

"Well let me see, maybe I can… well I can watch to make sure you do it right." Sheldon offered. Harry laughed and pulled off his shirt slowly. His entire left side was covered in aweful burns and Sheldon gasped.

"Some jerk-offs thought it might be funny to bewitch some stoves at an appliance store. After two explosion accidents, it became my job to find out which ones were cursed after that. Didn't end so well. But with this ointment I got at the hospital, it should be cured in a night or two." Harry explained, pulling out a jar of ointment. He took off the top and started to spread some gently on his burns, hissing a bit in pain.

"Alright, I can't take anymore of this. Give me that, you're doing it all wrong." Sheldon clicked his tongue and took the jar before gathering some of the cool cream and gently spreading it across the angry red flesh. Harry hissed and let his head fall forward before it began to feel soothing and gave a soft whimper, shuffling closer to Sheldon's body. "What in the world are you doing?"

"S-Sorry… just feels nice…" Harry admitted with a small sigh. "Thank you, Sheldon."

"Oh don't mention it. I'm going to go clean my hands now. You be sure to make yourself at home." Sheldon said before leaving the room. Harry changed into a comfortable pair of jeans and a gray t-shirt with a long sleeved flannel over shirt. He exited the bedroom and was surprised to see the man who helped him find his husband's office.

"Oh… hello!" He said excitedly.

"Hello…" The man answered miserably. "So I take it you found your husband?"

"Yes, thank you! I take it you're one of Sheldon's friends?" He asked politely.

"Yes, call me Raj. This is our other friend Howard." He introduced the other male and Harry shook his head.

"Charmed," He said with a smile.

"So you married Sheldon…? And you purposed? What was it like? I mean, was he being sweet on you, or something?" Howard asked, sounding genuinely curious.

"Ha, hardly. We got to talking about my work and he was refuting everything I said. Then somehow we got on the subject of Star Trek and I just… I lost myself in it." Harry said with a small laugh.

"Where were you back when we were mega Star Trek nerds?" Howard laughed loudly.

"London, attending school, probably." Harry commented with a laugh. "Assuming it wasn't all that long ago you gave up on it?"

"Well, I wouldn't really say "gave up", we just stopped being as obsessed with it as we once were. But uh, why do you say that? Are you… really young? You look young."

"I uh… I'm twenty-four." Harry admitted.

"Are you really?" Raj stared at him in surprise. "I am surprised, I thought you looked to be perhaps nineteen Mrs. Cooper!"

Harry's face turned dark red. "Um… Mrs. Cooper is a bit…" He mumbled. "My name's Harry… Harry Potter-Cooper."

"Harry…? Like… a guy's name? Similar to… Howard? Like mine?" Howard asked.

"Um, similar, however, Harry is not short for anything." He chuckled. "It's just Harry."

"So you are a man?" Raj asked.

"Yeah, I'm Sheldon's… husband." He admitted.

"Dude! I was totally checking him out!" Raj put his hands on his head in shock.

"Well perhaps this will teach you not to ogle that which belongs to someone else." Sheldon came over sounding completely miffed. He put his hand on Harry's shoulder and nudged him, "Come sit near me on the couch. I'll show you the central focus of my living room universe."

"Ha, you're so strange," Harry laughed but sat beside him. The others joined them on the couch and in the nearby chairs and they just began talking, bickering back and forth about this and that, sometimes making fun of each other. Harry was trying hard not to fall asleep but eventually his jet lag won him over and he fell asleep, leaning against his husband. Sheldon tensed and looked down at him.

He was sleeping, his eyes showing the deep lines of exhaustion underneath them. His breathing was light and his glasses were askew. Sheldon gingerly took the glasses from the boy's face and folded them.

"You know… I always wondered why you never went for women. You always whine about this and that ooohh it's gross, or ooooohhh unhygienic. The truth is that you're just homosexual, isn't it?" Howard asked.

"I wouldn't say something to that extreme. I merely find myself attracted to a male, a single male in particular. That isn't to say that I am interested in all men but neither am I interested in all women. I'm pansexual." Sheldon explained.

"Pansexual? And what is that supposed to be?" Raj asked him with a tilt of his head. The genius sighed and played with the glasses in his hands.

"It means that I am not attracted to the sexual organs that define someone as male or female, rather, I am attracted to the psychological parts of a person, such as personality, mannerisms, and instinctuality. I like Harry because Harry listens to me, and he doesn't mind my little quirks, in fact, he told me he finds it endearing when I show my obsessive compulsive tendencies with the little things I do." Sheldon said, staring at the glasses. "For the first time since I was a very small child, I don't feel so superior to someone. Harry is an intellectual of unimaginable proportions, the things he knows baffles my mind, so our conversations are always interesting and full of knowledge that I honestly didn't have!"

"That sounds impossible." Leonard said quietly. "What does he do? That you don't know about?"

"Oh he's…." Sheldon stopped and his eyes widened a bit. "He's a scientist in a top secret government laboratory in London." He blurted out.

"It's top secret? Then what does he talk about that makes you so amazed?" Howard snorted.

"Biology. Herbology. History. Things I don't know." He said with a shrug.

"You hate biology…" Leonard stared at him.

"It's different when Harry tells it, he tells it in the form of stories and it's interesting that way." He lifted his nose a bit for a moment before he tried to pull his husband into his lap and stand up. He carried the young man to his bedroom carefully and laid him in the bed. After a long hour of pacing beside the bed, he finally decided to change into his pajamas and lay with him.

~ rifuerfhbcb ~

Harry slept until dinner time the next day. He woke up in his husband's bed, hearing small bickering going on in the other room. He sat up and paused to lift the blanket, inhaling his husband's smell.

He grabbed his glasses off the side table and stood from the bed, his eyes widening as he realized he was wearing his husband's pajama shirt and only his own boxers underneath. He hugged himself a bit, trying not to seem insane and stalkerish as he hugged himself a bit.

"I'm going to see if you buffoons have managed to wake Harry yet. I'm sure he must be starving." Sheldon muttered as he stood and made his way to his bedroom. He walked in and got a good look at his young husband in the oversized pajama shirt. He stumbled and fell over, pulling down his bookshelf with him.

"Sheldon!" Harry rushed to him and started checking him. "Are you alright?"

"Just peachy…" Sheldon muttered. "Why don't you get dressed and go eat. We'll clean this up later." Sheldon coughed, standing up.

"Sheldon, did you change my clothes?" Harry asked softly, flicking his wand and the room tidied itself up.

"I um… well… I mean… I couldn't let you continue to sleep in your day clothes. It's unhygienic. I didn't look any more than necessary. And also, I left the pants off because they were too big for you." Sheldon mumbled, trying not to look him in the face.

"Thank you… That was very kind, even though you must've been very uncomfortable." Harry said quietly, taking Sheldon's hand and holding it between both of his own and smiling at him. "I greatly appreciate this."

"It's um… nothing…" Sheldon stood up and dusted himself off. "I'll let you get dressed so… dinner's waiting." He left the room quickly and Harry got dressed before joining them for pizza.

"What happened in there? Sheldon hasn't said a word since he came out, which is surprising." Howard muttered, looking over at the gangly man.

"The bookshelf fell over. I've picked it up." Harry said. He sat down with a small cough and started to eat. "Thanks for the food, it's marvelous."

"Yeah no problem," Leonard smiled. He noticed the way Harry sat very close to Sheldon and said scientist tensed. "So Harry, we were talking about our first kisses. Sheldon said he hasn't had his yet. Have you?"

Harry looked over at Sheldon with a small grin before nodding to Leonard's answer. "I did… it was when I was fifteen. But she was crying because she just broke up with her boyfriend so it was kind of…unsatisfying." He said thoughtfully. "I always thought a first kiss was supposed to be magical and special but… honestly, I'd just rather forget it."

"Wait, she? So you were with women before too?" Raj asked. Harry snorted.

"Yeah, I was originally straight, like most gay males." Harry said. "I had a few girlfriends but it just… never felt right… then I had a kiss with a guy and it made sense. Then I met Sheldon and it felt like I found something I'd been missing."

"Sounds like you really fell hard." Howard frowned and stared between them. "That must be hard, loving such a… meticulous person?"

"Not really. He's full of surprises. Just when I think I've got him figured out, he does something that I just find unbearably adorable and sweet. I fall in love with him all over again." Harry turned those impossibly green eyes up towards Sheldon who swallowed a bit uncomfortably.

"I'm going to… go to the bathroom… to wash my hands…" Sheldon mumbled, standing up and scurrying off.

"Do you think… I make him very uncomfortable?" Harry frowned.

"You uh… I think the problem is that… he's a thirty-two year old virgin." Leonard mumbled. "You're exciting him and he doesn't understand it."

"Oh…" Harry blushed and fiddled with his thumbs for a moment.

"On a different note, because I am seriously weirded out right now, what exactly do you do?" Howard leaned forward in his chair. "Sheldon was very vague."

"Um, well, I specialize in… mechanics mainly. But I do a lot of independent research into biological topics for my government." Harry said nervously. "I tell Sheldon about some of the things I learn, as long as it doesn't pertain to my actual research."

"Mechanics? Like fixing cars and such?" Howard had a slight smirk on his face and Harry nodded.

"I work on a lot of things. I was fixing a stove when I got injured. I got some burns so they gave me a week off for recuperation so I decided to come out here." Harry explained.

"Burns? Wait, shouldn't be really bad?" Leonard asked.

"Not really. They aren't very extreme and my cells regenerate pretty quickly. It should be gone by tomorrow honestly, they were very generous with my sick leave." Harry chuckled.

"I.. see…" Leonard nodded a bit.

"Leonard… Can I speak with you privately in the bathroom?" Sheldon called out. Said scientist groaned and stood up.

"Sheldon, I am not helping you wash your hands." He declared as he made his way to the bathroom. "What's wrong?" He asked, finding Sheldon the neat freak and ultra-hygienist sitting on the floor next to the toilet and hugging his knees.

"I don't know what to do…" He said. "The more time I spend with him, the more my body responds strangely. I know it's that a primal urge is opened within me, asking me to drag him to bed and fulfill our sinful desires of the flesh and I know that because we're married, it's perfectly alright but… I'm afraid."

"You wanna have sex but you're scared because you don't know how?" Leonard came over and sat beside him, feeling his heart tugged at just a bit. In times like these, he loved being Sheldon's best friend.

"I know how. I researched how and I have a gist of the schematics. I know that I need plenty of lubrication, and to stretch the sphincter with my fingers to remove pain and discomfort before inserting one's penis into the anal cavity with liberal amounts of lubrication again." Sheldon said quickly.

"Then what's wrong?" Leonard asked.

"I didn't know Harry's been with men before… What if… I daresay I'm not good at it? And he comes to hate me because of it?" Sheldon whispered. Leonard snorted.

"Of course your first performance is gonna suck." He said. "Everyone's is and there's not a damn thing you can do about it."

"Oh that settles it, I'm never going to have coitus with my husband." Sheldon declared, dropping his head into his knees.

"That doesn't mean you can give up on it. You'll get better the more you guys do it. You'll come to learn what things he loves and what things he doesn't so you can always make him feel good. It's about learning each other's bodies. Look, Harry loves you. He's been married to you this long without so much as a kiss. He's not going to leave you just because you suck at sex." Leonard tried to cheer him up. "How about this, Penny invited us to a party at her friend's place. There's going to be beer and music and it's going to be a place that you absolutely hate. But we both know that you loosen up a little when you've got a few beers in you. So go there and drink a few then bring him back home and make love to him in your bedroom. Instigate it but let him lead it, go at his pace so that he has fun. It's surprisingly easy."

"I don't like parties… but I suppose I wouldn't mind seeing how he reacts to it. I mean, if he's a party animal, this is never going to work." Sheldon said with a slight frown. Leonard laughed and helped him up.

"Go get a nice outfit for the party, something sexy." He advised.

"What would you consider sexy then? On me anyway, since obviously you like large sagging sacks of fat in the pectoral area and we all know I could never pull that off." Sheldon said as they left the bedroom.

~ rjckbwcibwecvb ~

Harry wasn't too sure on why they went to a party but before he knew it, Leonard was telling him to get dressed for one while forcing Sheldon to the bathroom with a bundle of clothes.

Harry decided to wear a white v-neck t-shirt and blue jeans with a black sleeveless silk vest. He wore sneakers and waited by the door with Raj and Howard.

Leonard brought Sheldon out from the bathroom and the tall man was complaining about his outfit.

"What is the point of wearing only half of a suit? At least let me get my tie!" He insisted.

"Absolutely not. You're going to a party, not a work dinner." Leonard mumbled. He pushed Sheldon to Harry and was pleased to see the British male looking completely stunned.

Sheldon was wearing black slacks and dress shoes and a white button up shirt with the top button undone and the sleeves folded up to his elbows. He stopped and looked at his shorter husband, swallowing thickly at the expanse of peach colored neck he could see.

"Leonard, I don't think I can do this." He reaffirmed.

"Yes you can, it's just a party. Let's go. I'll drive us three in my car if Howard can drive himself and Raj?" Leonard asked, looking at the engineer.

"Yeah sure," Howard was staring between Harry and Sheldon with wide eyes, quickly realizing what was probably going to happen later on.

"Great, let's get going then." Leonard ushered everyone out the door and locked it before heading to the cars.

~ jbejhvj ~

Sheldon absolutely hated the party. He was sitting on the couch enjoying his beer and watching Penny talk excitedly to Harry, even introduce him to her friends, and they were all giggling about everything he said.

"How many beers have you had?" Leonard asked and Sheldon burped a bit. "Enough, I'm guessing. Why do you look so pissed?"

"They're touching him…" He grumbled a bit. "I can't even touch him…"

"You know, you could make them all back off very easily." Leonard goaded. Sheldon took a few long gulps of his current beer. "If you kiss him, in front of everyone, it'll let them know he's yours. And it'll let him know you want him. You'd be killing two birds with one stone."

"I suppose you might be quite right." Sheldon said. He tipped his head back and finished off the rest of his half full can before tossing it to the side and walking sternly to Harry. He grabbed the smaller male's elbow and turned him a bit to look at his face. Harry stared at him, about to ask him what was wrong, when Sheldon lifted his chin and and leaned far down to kiss him.

At first it was just lips being pressed together somewhat harshly, the taste of alcohol tainting the soft flesh. But Harry's hands slowly slid up his husband's chest to grab the collar of his shirt and press into the kiss more demandingly. He opened his mouth against Sheldon's and deepened the kiss with a bit of tongue, tasting beer and pretzels.

When they parted, Harry's face was red and his glasses were a bit fogged. He sighed a bit loudly and stared at Sheldon.

"Your first kiss…" He said quietly. He threw his arms around his husband in a tight hug. "I want to go back to your room… I want to kiss you more… and I want to touch you. Will you let me?"

"Yes…" Sheldon nodded jerkily. "I will let you… and I'll… touch you as well…"

"Then let's go." Harry pulled Sheldon by the hand out the door into the crisp fresh air. Their heads cleared a bit and Sheldon felt his face burning at his embarrassment.

"I should go get Leonard's keys," He declared but Harry pulled him into another needy kiss.

"No need. I can't wait that long," Harry decided. He kissed Sheldon again and before the scientist knew it, they were in his bedroom, standing beside his bed.

"I'll never get used to your magic." He announced before leaning into another small kiss. "And I think I rather like kissing you… It feels nice."

"Hhmmm, yeah, kissing does feel nice. You know what else feels nice?" Harry whispered, pushing Sheldon gently to sit on the edge of the bed. "You remember this, don't you?"

"Heavens, how could I forget….?" Sheldon mumbled, face burning. Harry pulled off his vest and shirt and kicked off his shoes before hurriedly pushing his jeans off.

"You won't pass out this time, will you?" Harry asked with a chuckle, stepping between Sheldon's legs to start undoing his shirt button by button. He felt the scrawny chest underneath.

"Um… I…. I will try my hardest to retain my consciousness. But I'm not making any promises." He declared. Harry kissed him again before moving down ward to kiss a straight line down to the button of his slacks. The wizard unbuttoned them then looked up to Sheldon, his eyes looking impossibly green behind his glasses.

"Lift your hips." He ordered and pulled down Sheldon's pants and white briefs in one go, leaving him in just the shirt. He swallowed a bit at the already semi-erect cock in his face. Still just as large and intimidating as before. Harry gently grasped the base and started with licking from the base to the top then suckling at the head gently.

"Oh god…" Sheldon whispered, tilting his head back. He hadn't taken long at all the first time this happened, and if Harry continued like this, he'd embarrass himself before long. He gave it a few more moments, his organ already painfully hard, before running his hands through dark hair and tugging at his head just a bit. Harry pulled back and looked at him questioningly. "Let's… lay down properly." He suggested.

Harry stood and laid on the bed beside Sheldon who let the alcohol control his movements as he wrapped his arms around his husband's waist and pulled him against his chest to kiss him. It was a hungry kiss full of passion and Harry responded with a groan that went straight to Sheldon's cock.

The kissing dragged on until their lips felt numb and Sheldon felt more in control of his bodily functions. He decided to lead things further, sliding his hand down Harry's soft skin to his hip and hooking his thumb under the waistband of the boxers. It was a question and Harry groaned for an answer, lifting his body a bit so they slid off his hips and he could kick them off.

Sheldon dragged his lips back to look down at the soft supple body. He gulped and leaned his head down to kiss a scar on Harry's shoulder. The burn was almost completely gone. He felt relieved before kissing the shoulder again. He looked nervously at Harry's hard cock and gingerly touched it with his hand, listening to the shuddering breath of his husband. The genius started to stroke it slowly and gently, twisting his wrist here and there to make Harry's breath hitch.

"Sheldon," He gasped, his hands gripping the broad shoulders. He arched his back a bit and grabbed Sheldon's wrist. "My cream… let me get it." He answered quietly. He looked towards his bag and held out his hand. Like magic, the jar of cream rushed to him and he handed it to Sheldon. "Go ahead and use this, it's very good for things like this as well."

"You want me to…" Sheldon looked at the jar and swallowed loudly. Harry looked at it as well and smiled a bit before opening it.

"You're right, I should probably do it myself, shouldn't I?" He whispered, though his voice held a slight tremor of disappointment. "So please… be patient until I finish it." Harry laid on his back and dipped his fingers in the cream, massaging it around a bit before dragging his hands down his own body towards his ass. Sheldon grabbed his arm.

"What in heavens are you doing?" He asked with a tilted head.

"I was going to prepare myself for you…" Harry said, staring at him. Sheldon's face got a bit red. "Oh… you thought that… I was going to be preparing you…?"

"Well I don't exactly have any experience in this so I don't really… know if I'd be okay being dominating… Also, Leonard told me I should just let you take charge." He explained, avoiding eye contact. Harry took his hand and tried to get the cream on Sheldon's hand instead.

"I'll take charge. I'll tell you what to do so just do as I say." Harry said with a soft smile. "Because I want you to finger me. And then I want you to put your cock inside of me."

"Oh my word." Sheldon swallowed thickly before closing his eyes and reaching his slick fingers back to find his husband's entrance.

The passageway is hot and tight and Sheldon chokes on his surprise while Harry moans quietly and encourages him. It takes a while but finally, Harry's body is ready and so is Sheldon's mind. The genius pushes his husband onto his back and leaned between his legs.

"Do it…" Harry whispered, "Take me." He reached up and wrapped his arms around Sheldon's shoulders and spread his legs farther, to make it easier.

"Bazinga," Sheldon whispered with a small chuckle before pressing in. He groaned and closed his eyes. "Oh dear, I don't think I can take very much of this. Not at all." Sheldon whispered.

"Move," Harry urged, his legs wrapping around scrawny hips and his hands moving down to grab himself with both hands. "Sheldon," He whispered quietly.

"Feels very nice," Sheldon managed before beginning to move in and out of his marriage partner. He continued his pace, breathing a bit awkwardly and Harry kept his eyes closed just enjoying it. But after a couple more thrusts, Sheldon lost his rhythm and seemed to be having a hard time getting it back. Harry chuckled and put a hand flat on the tall man's chest.

"Sheldon, lay on your back." Harry ordered. Sheldon looked upset, like he'd disappointed Harry, but the wizard smiled at him brightly. "It'll be easier this way." He offered and slowly, Sheldon did as he was told.

Harry climbed over him and slid himself down onto the throbbing cock of his lover, moaning long at the feel of the thick flesh inside of him again. He placed his hands on Sheldon's chest and started moving himself slowly, just enjoying.

"Oh my…" Sheldon whispered, closing his eyes. "Harry…"

"Hmm, I love you, Sheldon," Harry informed him, starting to move faster. Harry took Sheldon's large hands and made him hold his hips to help him move a bit. He moaned at the hands touching his flesh.

"Love you… as well…" Sheldon mumbled, eyes screwed shut tight and muscles contracted with pleasure. Harry almost stilled when he heard it. His whole body clenched and Sheldon cried out.

"Say it again," Harry whispered.

"I love you!" The scientist managed to choke out.

Harry got the confession from him three more times before the genius came deep inside him. The feel of it, the idea of it, was enough for Harry. He came in his hand, grunting a bit through gritted teeth, glasses almost falling off of his face. He collapsed on top of Sheldon and just breathed heavily.

After a few minutes, Sheldon removed Harry from his body and left the room. He came back with a wash cloth and cleaned both of their bodies before laying down and pulling Harry to his chest.

"Get some sleep. When you wake up… we'll consummate again… then again… and again… until you have to leave." He declared. Harry's face burned and he nodded a bit.

~ ewuibefhb ~

Sheldon managed a gentle kiss on the lips the day of Harry's departure. The Englishman blushed darkly and hugged him.

"I can't believe we didn't leave the bedroom for five whole days." He whispered in awe.

"Yeah, me neither." Leonard said from the kitchen. "I'm glad Penny let me stay on her couch."

"I can't believe you already have to leave. Coitus is so time consuming." Sheldon muttered, scratching his head.

"But it's time well spent." Harry said. "And now that I know you missed me as well, I won't feel so hesitant about coming to see you on my time off. I'll be back soon, Sheldon, I promise."

"In that case, I may have to visit one of those adult stores and find some real lubrication. We went through your whole tub of burn ointment." Sheldon said with a slight frown. Harry laughed and hugged him tighter.

"In that case, maybe I should visit a shop for a few things myself, if this is going to become a regular part of our lives." He chuckled with a smile.

"I think we should make love as much as possible to make up for the past years of depravity. Oh dear, I think you've awoken my inner Texan. This is very bad." He said with a puzzled sigh.

"I'll take full responsibility." Harry promised, picking up his bag. He really needed to go but Sheldon was so tempting, especially that new love bite just under his collar bone peeking over the horizon of his green lantern shirt.

"Are you sure you don't need a ride to the airport?" Leonard asked with a groan.

"No, it's quite alright." Harry said with a smile. He gave Sheldon one last hug before heading out the door. Sheldon pouted a bit and started to head to his bedroom. He ran back out with a small mirror in hand.

"Harry forgot his… oh nevermind." He whined..

"What'd he forget? I'm sure you can still catch him, he only just closed the door." Leonard said.

"No it's too late, trust me. Once that door closed he was probably halfway to London already." He said, just heading back to his room. Leonard went out and ran down the stairs. Sheldon was absolutely right. Harry was already gone.

"Fast for such a little guy…" He muttered quietly.

~ roujerbvcruvc ~

Sheldon was already in bed and Leonard was in the living room on his laptop for a few moments more when he felt the air around him seem to charge almost with positive neurons. He heard a small pop and suddenly, Harry was standing in the middle of the living room with a plastic bag. He stumbled a bit as if he dropped from the sky and took a breath.

"How did I miss?" He wondered to himself before his eyes landed on Leonard. "Oh… um…. Good evening."

"What the… where did… how…?" Leonard didn't even know what to say. Sheldon came from the room.

"Oh, there you are! For heavens sake, I was in my room waiting for you all afternoon young man." Sheldon marched over and grabbed Harry's hand. His eyes scouted Leonard and he smiled sympathetically. "You might want to see if Penny will let you use her couch for tonight and tomorrow night." He suggested, dragging his husband to his bedroom.

Leonard just sat in place, frozen, unsure of what the hell just happened.

THE END!


End file.
